Ring in the Yuletide

God bless ye' merry gentlemen. Currently searching for seasonal work. So in debt. Hope that this new goal will galvanize to become something more of myself. Passion, ambition, persistence, patience, drive are components that are key to life. People don't hand it to you. You have to be it yourself. Of late, I have just been pokey-slow, allowing life to pass me by. Be something damn it! I scold myself, I tell myself, my day will come. What a fool I was. Things don't really come to you. You have to go git' it. But what is a girl to do when you don't feel it? Well...I am certainly feeling it now.
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I guess what shocked me into action is a phone call with my sister. We talk all the time but after I came back, the calls have dwindle onto none. Is she mad at me? Did I do something wrong? No...nothing was wrong. Her life is the same old, same old. Except that she had joined the choir because the holidays a cometh. I love that her life is so certain and stable, that for her life, life has no ups and downs and I can always depend on her serenity and contentedness. My mom said that among us, G is the most content and I agree with that assessment. I think that we are so very different. But nothing is up or down with her life, she is just G. Good ol' G.
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She told me that mom is ok. J also emailed me, thanking me for the gifts. My family's concern for me is heartwrenching to say the least. My mom is kinda sick and it is sucks to want the world for her and not be able to provide her with anything for I am struggling to find myself. And worst of all, she worries about me which I am sure doesn't improve her overall well-being. I used to think that I am really independent but the fact is, I am not and can never be. Tied to my family who I cannot choose and tied to my friends, who I have the ability to choose, I live not only for myself alone but also my loved ones. It inspires me to be more and to radiate outward instead of standing still. To soldier for more.
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As I go into an interview, a friend calls somewhat disconcerted for she was let go of work. I feel angry and saddened by the injustice, wishing that I can fight for her plight. I hope to see her on Saturday and maybe I can bring her some good cheer. And it makes me think that on a grander scale, my life is to learn and empower people and to make things better. It is not to just have fun and muck around. Seeing things clearly makes me feel better. I got my focus on.
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I went into the interview and the HR manager told me that I am not cut out for this job. And that I should be applying to Columbia instead of NYU Stern because there marketing program is better. She told me about the corporate internship that they have there and was glad to forward the information on. Wow. I was really floored that a person I didn't know actually had more confidence in me than I had for myself and was willing to pursue things for me that I didn't know existed. Makes me want to get out there more. I certainly didn't get the job but I came out there feeling that I can do more and expect myself to do more from here on forth.
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I see other people on the street, struggling. People selling pretzels, holding trunks of fake Louis Vuitton bags. I see this person holding a garbage bag filled with fake, wannabe bags just purchased from a wholesaler as it starts raining outside. There is a beauty to her struggle. People walk on. People move on. As do I. As do I.